Thanks

Thank you for your kind words and offers of support it was greatly appreciated. I am glad to say that I am out of my funk and things are beginning to get better.

So...yesterday Missy and I are on our way to her school in the car yesterday and I look back to check on her and this is what I see:
What exactly am I going to do with her.

This sucks

So...I am really going through some really difficult times right now. I would rather not discuss them, but I am spiraling down into some serious depression right now. I've lost my appetite, I'm crying constantly, I can't sleep and it feel like I'm just wondering around aimlessly. I've got to get myself together, if not for myself for my beautiful daughter.

I hate holding onto the hate!

I was raised in the church and as an adult I have made the conscience decision to accept Jesus Christ as my savior and I try to live according to his word. I often fall short and I accept full responsibility for that. I often try to be a good person and see the good in others. Not always but I try to forgive and give people the benefit of the doubt. However, as a mother, I feel my greatest responsibility is to protect my daughter from all the things I can. I understand that I can't protect her from everything, nor should I try. I want her to grow up and be able to defend herself and stand up for what she believes in. With all of that said, she has recently began to inquire about her father. This in and of itself doesn't bother me, the fact that he treats her like some dog on the street infuriates me beyond belief. Prime example, I called him to talk to her a couple of week ago and nothing, he never said anything after hello, yet after the call my daughter was so happy, I just cried because she doesn't even realize that he completely ignored her. I now this is harsh to say but I HATE HIM MORE THAN MERE WORDS COULD EVER EXPRESS!!!!. I feel like I can't shield her from the hurt she is going to one day feel and I hate feeling helpless like that. I need to shield her from him and his indifference. He treats his other kids like royalty and then treats my daughter like an inconvenience. That really burns me up, I want so bad to take a gun and put to his big ass forehead, pull the trigger and never look back.