Feelin' on Yo Booty

So...I'm sitting at work listening to my Pandora station and the song "Feelin on Yo Booty" by R. Kelly came on. This song has serious sentimental value for me. After MM and I had broken up and decided to try to give this relationship a chance again, he asked me what kind of things I would like to explore. Being a former Exotic Dancer, I told him, among other things, I would like for him to strip for me and then feed me fruit and lick stuff off of me and make a whole evening of sensually pampering me. Well about 2 weeks later, he rented a hotel room at the now demolished Adams Mark Hotel. The room was set up complete with rose petals on the bed and the bath tub, champagne, fruit, candles, oils, motion lotion, feathers, the works. He made my body feel like it had never felt before, or since for that matter. And believe it or not we didn't even have sex until the next day. He was so incredibly sensual and attentive to everything it was amazing. I really hate that stupid song, but I can't help but smile when I hear it.

The Bridal Shower

On Saturday, I went to a bridal shower for 34 yr old woman. She has been living with her fiance for about 7 years now. They have 2 children 1 & 6. They purchased there home together and it is completely furnished. Now, I said all of this for a reason. At the bridal shower on Saturday, she received very nice gifts, if they were for a new couple just beginning their lives together, but this is an established couple, so I believed. Well, I have always been told that the bridal shower was for the bride to receive things for the honeymoon, i.e. lingerie, body accessories, perfume, things of that nature. So I bought her 2 negligees; one black w/garter and thong and one pink with sheer netting. Well the reaction to my gift was if I had given her a complete how-to Karma Sutra video, a bullet and a rabbit. I almost felt ashamed that I would even think that a newly married couple with 2 kids would even think about have sex on during their honeymoon. Please tell me if you think I was out of line.

Missy Strikes Again

So...My daughter is fascinated with her body. In the shower the other day she announces to me very proudly "Mommy, I washed my vagima!", so I say proudly "Very Good, you are such a big girl" and she says "Did you wash your vagima yet mommy, You have to be a big girl too." How cute is that?
When Missy was younger, I often called other drivers on the road Jackasses. Well since she started repeating everything, I have tried not to say that word. Well I guess she figured she would help me out because now when someone cuts me off and I just scream "Uggghhhh" she says "He's a jackass mommy?" I have to learn to watch what I say more closely.

Help?!?!?!

So....They say a woman reaches her sexual peak later in life than men. I recently turned 35 and feel like I'm horny 17 out of the 24 hours of the day. I see some man walking down the street and get coochie hiccups and that is annoying. Last week for the first time in my life - SHHHHH! don't tell anyone - I had an orgasm in my sleep. What the hell!!!!!! Sat up in my bed toes curling, still throbbing, quite moist and satisfied. Where have these been all my life? I know this is probably too much information for some of you but I needed to tell someone about this. I wasn't to ask my mom about it but some things you just can't bring yourself to ask your mom about. There is a guy at my job who makes my coochie jump every time I see him. He makes me moist every time I see his lips. I really just want to sit on his lips and WHEEWWWWWWW WEEEEE!!! I try to avoid him but it seems that since I've become so aware of how juicy his lips are, I see him 3 - 4 times a day. What is a girl to do?

My Independent Missy

So...Missy is in this stage where she wants to be just like Mommy which I'm sure is normal but frustrating at times. She recently informed me that she needs a bra for her breast. SHE IS 2 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! She told my mom over the weekend that she needs some money so she can pay her bills. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This morning it took me 15 minutes to convince her to let me tie her shoes because she doesn't know how to tie them yet. She proceeds to ask me WHY she doesn't know how to tie them yet. I could go on and on and on and I'm sure I will have more tidbits in the future. I named her Kiyah because I liked it and because it means Wise Child; who knew she would take to her name so well.

I can't believe this!

So...When I was around 16, I had this amazing crush on this guy who is a friend of my older sister. He is 12 years my senior but he doesn't look it and who cares, I'm 35 now, I could wear his ass out!!!!!!! But I digress...Even to this day when ever I see him I get a coochie hiccup(you know that throbbing you get when someone arouses you) and I can't control it. Well I recently found out that he is not interested in my species.....Yes world HE IS GAY!!!!! And though I don't knock the lifestyle. If that is your thing who am I to tell you what to do, but LORD NOT HIM!!!!!! Oh I am so disappointed, my fantasy is ruined. "Why are you mentioning this now?" you ask? Well let me tell you. He went with us to NY yesterday and even with all that I know, he still makes my coochie hiccup!!!! I am very upset by that b/c I no longer want to rock his world but my body keeps betraying me. What the HELL!!!

Wow!!! What a weekend!

So...Where do I begin. Saturday we gave my neice a baby shower. She received more than enough gifts and everything turned out beautifully. We did however have way too much food left over, so I called a homeless shelter to donate the rest of the food to. They were very grateful (The name of the shelter is Acts of the Apostles Adult Transitioning Center, in case you ever would like to donate anything to them.) Well, when I arrived at the center some men at the center helped me carry the food inside and one of the gentlemen had the nerve to ask me did I come with the meal. WHAT!!! Do I look like a side order????

I went to New York yesterday to see "The Color Purple". Let me just say this; even if you never read the book or saw the movie please do your self a favor and go to the play. It is completely amazing. I love the street people in NY they are so creative and you wonder how they ended up in their current situation. Prime example: As I'm walking down 5th towards the Empire State Building I saw this -

I laughed for 3 blocks and gave him $1.00 for originality. He was very pleasant; he didn't smell; he didn't bother anyone, I wish I could have given him more but I was broke by the time I saw him.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

So... MM and I have been dating off and on since 1994, I truly believe he is my soul mate, he is the absolute love of my life. I would walk across flaming hot coals to spend eternity with him, however, he has on more than one occasion made me question his feelings for me. Now, with that said...I was asked out on a date a couple of months ago by a very attractive Italian gentleman(we'll call him DB) (for those of you who don't know me, I'm African American). We went out a couple of times, he has come to my house a couple of time, haven't done the horizontal hustle but he has tasted the promise land. I have been honest with him about MM; he knows that if the day ever comes that MM proposes, I'm going to scream yes from the mountain tops. I can't however force myself to completely cut DB off. He is really fun to be with and a great conversationalist and he is not constantly trying to pull is limousine into my garage (Why did the song "Pull up to the bumper" by Grace Jones just pop into my head). Anyway, he is such an awesome guy and I feel like I'm being selfish for not letting him go to find someone he can truly build a relationship with.

Commitments and Childhood.

So I have decided that I am going to commit to posting at least once a week. I will try to do more but I will firmly commit to the once a week. And if I get lazy I know "someone" will remind me (I'm not going to mention any names--Fresh). There are a lot of things going on and I should share them with whomever and maybe keep a memoir to show to Missy one day.
So I am convinced that children these days are way more advanced than my generation. And I realize that I am going back 30+ years but my goodness. Prime example; about a week ago a few of my friends and I took our children to Dorney Park for the day. Well towards the end of the day we bought some Cotton Candy and all the children loved it with the exception of my daughter. Missy insisted that she would not be putting any of the COTTON candy anywhere near her mouth. The next day at my mom's, Missy was telling my mom all about the trip and I mentioned that she wouldn't eat the COTTON candy. Well out of the mouths of babes, My daughter says "Grandma, my panties are COTTON!" with the look of pure disgust. My mother and I nearly peed our pants laughing so hard. How does a 2 year old conclude that she can't eat COTTON candy because her panties are COTTON. They really should bring back "Kids say the darndest things"